INSPIRED TO HELP

Every now-and-then, a creative project reaches out and touches you in an unexpected way. My screenplay, “Stay,” based on one woman’s experience with reoccurring dreams, has done just that for me.  While my fictional character interacts with abused Kenyan girls, even jeopardizing her own life, through much research, I’ve come to learn that real life human trafficking is a growing problem across the country and in the U.S. I’ve also come to learn that the Salvation Army offers services for this cause. My investigation on the subject led me to numerous safe houses in Kenya and the U.S. that also offer ways in which individuals can help. My project often tears me up, yet, it is laced with beauty and hope.  It even inspired me to contribute to this cause, and for that, I am grateful. ~ Pamela Towns

6 WAYS TO STOP HURTFUL WORDS

This may have been a generational thing, but when I was young, kids would passionately stick out their tongue followed by, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  The truth is, ugly words did hurt and they still do.  Spiteful words can make you feel as if a vice has gripped your heart.  People say hurtful words all the time to each other.  Sometimes it’s inadvertently done, while other times it’s quite deliberate.  Yet, there are folks who, (among friends) throw a barrage of insults back and forth like playing a tennis match. And, they are fine with it!  So is it necessarily the word, or the individual that determines the offense?

If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable or stung during a conversation, whether it’s with your boss, friend, date or relative, then you may want to exam the impact of their words.  The person who says, “Oh, that doesn’t bother me, so it shouldn’t bother you,” also has a trigger word that offends them.  Your gauge may be dissimilar to theirs because your life-experiences are different.  And no, it’s not in your head; you have a right to honor your feelings.

1)    Your friend jokes about your short-comings when a group of people are around.  Tell her privately that you know she’s joking, but it doesn’t feel that way to your ears.  Then let her know to stop from this point on if she values the friendship.

2)    Your boss calls your infrequent slipups “stupid” or “dumb.”  In private, let your boss know that you want the relationship to remain professional, which means no insulting words.  Whether you are seeing red flags pointing to your release or not, no one deserves verbal abusive.

3)    Your mother-in-law makes comparisons with how well she cares for her son while dismissing your efforts.  Let her know you appreciate her concern; however, belittling you hurts your feelings.

4)    Your cousin constantly talks about how perfect you are but it’s in an overstated tone.  The statement may seem harmless, but it isn’t. Maya Angelou calls this, “blow bite’n blow,” when someone gives you a back-handed compliment.  Pull your cousin to the side and point out that the compliments oftentimes feel disingenuous and that they are unwelcomed by you if they aren’t sincere.

5)    Your date calls you nicknames directed at your weight.  Let your date know that this is hurtful and it’s causing you to feel more self-conscious.  Point blank: you’d like the teasing to stop.  If the mockery continues, start looking for another date.

6)    Your close friend will not give a compliment, but is full of correction.  Let him know you appreciate his advice, but hearing only negative feedback is off-putting. 

You don’t have to point your finger near someone’s eye to get your message across.  Nor is it your job to try and interpret the intent behind a person’s insult or mean spiritedness.  You’re speculation could be off base.  You simply want to deter any potential on-going patterns of hurtful words, which needless to say, carry tremendous negative weight.

 Keep in mind; we’ve all said something that has offended someone else.  Make a deliberate effort to exemplify the behavior you want to receive from others.  It’s salubrious for us to lift up individuals opposed to tearing them down.  Let’s commend one another!

Regenerating Yourself From the Inside Out

Another year has come and gone leaving you dusting off your shoulders and reaching for the optimism button once again. Depending on who you talk to, a New Year’s Resolution is either a waste of time or a smart strategy for starting anew.

 For many Americans, countless hours  were spent pulling out head-hairs and going through the daunting ritual of trying to find employment; not to mention the issues involving maintaining a mortgage, car note/s, insurance and healthcare.

According to an article in the Washington Post, unemployment among African Americans and Hispanics ascended to staggering heights.  The figures showed 4 out of 10 Americans had to adjust their housing circumstances and among blacks, the jobless rate surpassed the 9 percent mark, making a climb to 15.7 percent, if not higher.

So the New Year is here.  Now what?  What are you going to do differently than the year before?  Stress some more?  Shake your fists to the ceiling?  While you may have grown accustomed to wearing a near-permanent unibrow, your life has not been put on hold.  Your story is still being told and a new chapter is constantly being written.  Here are just a few categories to help you regenerate your life from the inside out:

1)    Update your business strategy.  Whether you are seeking employment or positioning yourself for advancement, stay abreast of the latest job trends.  Designate a specific time slot to work your plan, after which, put it away.  Don’t obsess over the process.

2)    Avoid complaining about what’s not working in your life.  Stop telling everyone you meet how hard it’s been for you and that no one knows the troubles you’ve seen.   Start focusing on what is going well in your life, like the smile of your child, a supportive spouse, having good health and a sound mind.

3)    Start increasing your faith.  God gives each of us the innate ability to seek out His power.  Read, pray and meditate in this area.  You’ll find that opened doors will manifest in your life.   Our lives often reflect what we speak into existence.

4)    Gravitate to positive energy.  Any behavior that devalues who you are and doesn’t celebrate your uniqueness, run in the opposite direction.  It’s poison and has no place in your life, even if it means “unfriending” some folks.  You are attempting to live copiously, not detract from it.

5)    Treat your body right.  Avoid overindulging in foods that put your health at risk.   According to health experts, 70 percent of cancers derive from a poor diet.  Take the time to educate yourself and find that balance.  Cancer patients are usually advised by nutritionists to curtail or eliminate their meat intake.  Follow suit, even if you only cut your meat consumption by half and substitute the later with soy, (read up on this first) and other sources of protein.

6)    Find a new way to look at life.    There is still much beauty to experience, including the people that you meet.  Learn to applaud differences in others.  Folks shouldn’t always have to think, behave and look like you.  Try to meet individuals that enhance your perspective on life, allowing you to sit back in awe, grateful and delighted at the same time for the experience.

7)    Find small ways to give back to others.  If you enjoy playing the piano, then go to nursing homes and play for the seniors. Send poetry or letters to prisoners.  Most importantly, acknowledge the existence of another human being when they walk past you on the street.  A simple smile can work wonders.

8)    Reassess your worth.  We’ve had it pounded in our heads that a high salary equals success.  YES, MONEY FREES YOU.  But one is not necessarily free when they have money.  Concentrate on what your worth is when monetary toys are taken away.   I have yet to hear of a person on their death bed spend their last breath reminiscing about how “fly” their car was.  Your character, integrity, time spent with family and selfless sacrifices speak volumes and represent the core of who you are.

There is much work to be done . . . your body has already started regenerating itself from your eye cells to your pancreas!  So get started!